ALMOND CACAO COOKIES with SALTED MACA CARAMEL

I made these for my friend, Vanessa, because she has a handful of food sensitives which leaves her unable to make a lot of my recipes. Sad face. My goal in making these was to keep out all the stuff she can't have, and throw together all the stuff she loves! Happy face. The visual inspiration came from a treat I saw in the dessert display shelf at Gorilla Food a couple days ago when I was there with Vanessa.

If you're getting tired of all these sweet recipes - especially after I've promised numerous times I'll be making more savoury stuff - please don't leave me yet! NEVER LEAVE MEEEE. I swear some non-desserts are on their way. *Cough cough raw vegan poutine cough* Having said that, you guys are giving me some great dessert ideas to rawify like tiramisu, ferrero rochers, chocolate croissants, baklava... so those should be expected too.

I think I'm in the midst of winter blues or something like it. I've been feeling pretty low lately. It's nothing physical - I'm as healthy as can be so don't ya worry about that. Nevertheless, emotionally I feel at rock bottom. Maybe it's because of what is going on in my life as far as relationships and personal struggles go, maybe it's because we haven't gotten sun in days and my body is telling me I need some vitamin D, maybe I'm just bored because school is done for a few weeks. Probably, it's a conglomeration of all those factors. All I know is that for the past two days (maybe more) I haven't wanted to see anyone, talk to anyone, or do anything besides burn smoky incense, cry for no reason and lay in bed listening to Joy Division, Swans, New Order, My Bloody Valentine, Radiohead, King Krule and Arcade Fire.

I know in years, I'm young (20 is considered young, right? I don't know anything anymore...)  but I can't help sensing that this gloomy feeling will never go away completely, but only be diminished temporarily by distractions like friends, romantic partners, school, movies, exercise, food, etc. It seems like the only things that aren't distractions are getting lost in great music and meditating. I've talked about this subject before: I usually feel utterly alone and lost in the world. I don't even feel human most of the time. I think I was meant to be a tree, or a sloth... or a moth.

Life is too emotionally overwhelming for me to cope with, and the fact that I feel that no one can understand what I go through every day only makes it more depressing. I mean even with my closest friends and family... they have never really seen what I am, and I don't know how to show them. But in any case, I don't particularly care about showing them. What's the point? Ya know? I hope some of you read this and can connect with my situation. Otherwise you are probably thinking, "Okay - this girl is crazy, naive AND mega depressing... I'm getting outta here."

Please don't go though! I made you cookies!

I certainly don't want to turn this into a pity party. I have an AMAZING LIFE. I am surrounded by loving, beautiful, devoted individuals who constantly make me feel great about who I am - that includes you! Thank you! I am young, healthy, getting a great education, financially stable (if that matters), living a gorgeous city, finding great success in work I absolutely love doing (this blog)... I mean I basically have my own dream life and couldn't possibly ask for more. The world seems to be on my side, blessing me with everything I could ever want; while my own mind is against me, never letting me be permanently content. This anguish has nothing to do with my life circumstances, it just seems to be part of my inherent nature. Once I described it as "being so happy, I have to be sad." Does that make an ounce of sense?

Ah, I dunno. Let's eat healthy food and worry about this later. I sincerely apologize if this post bummed you out. It's not like I'm faking it when I act happy - I can BE the happiest person I know! I'm just saying that it seems like my natural, default setting is sad... and I wish it was otherwise.

UPDATE: Okay so I wrote the post above about 2 days ago and I am relieved to say that since then, my spirits have been lifted substantially. A really good friend came over and made me feel loads better. Today I am ready to return to my positive and productive self. It's not like I am fixed forever; I know I'll be sad again at some point. But for now I am appreciating this renewed joy for all it is. I like to see happiness and sadness as intertwined and equally valuable, I work to find balance in all aspects of my life; and a balance between happiness and sadness is included in that.

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ALMOND CACAO COOKIES with SALTED MACA CARAMEL

Almond cacao cookies:
1 cup almonds
1 cup dates
2 heaping tablespoons cacao powder
1 teaspoon vanilla extract 

Salted maca caramel:
1 cup dates
2 tablespoons maca powder
Himalayan pink crystal salt, to taste
3/4 cup water, more or less as needed 

Topping (optional):
Pecan halves, walnut halves and/or almonds

To make the cookies: pulse the almonds into flour in a food processor, then add the rest of the ingredients and pulse until it all sticks together. Press into the bottom of a lined baking pan and put in the fridge. 

To make the caramel: blend all the ingredients until smooth and thick like whipped cream. Put this in the fridge for about 2 hours. 

Use a cookie cutter to make your cookies, then scoop a spoonful of caramel on top of each one. Press a walnut, almond or pecan onto the dollop of caramel. Refrigerate overnight or at least for a few hours... then enjoy with fresh almond milk!

YOU GOTTA LOVE RAW VEGAN EGG NOG

You asked for it. No, really; you asked me to make a raw vegan egg nog recipe.. so I did. And dang, I sure am glad. This is delicious, warming, smooth, sweet and satisfying all at once.

I am hoping these photos look okay to you, because I edited them on my tiny little lap top screen instead of the large monitor I usually use. The colour is also funky on my lap top screen so my fingers are crossed that these pics aren't terrible. Please forgive me if they look gross. I just realized how completely trippy it is that I am writing this in my bedroom right now, just typing out my thoughts as they come into my brain, and soon YOU are going to read them! And probably think "Wow, who IS this girl? She's lost it. I'm outta here."

But wait! I made you egg nog!

RAW VEGAN EGG NOG

1 cup pecans
4-5 cups water
1 cup dates
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1 teaspoon nutmeg
2 teaspoons vanilla extract 

Blend it all up. Use hot water if you want a warm drink. It should have the consistency of egg nog but if it's too thin, add more dates or pecans. If it's too thick, add more water. Change the spice amounts as you like. Mmm... This will serve around 4 people.

salad is superior

Your food should make you sing and dance, and want to share your joy with the world. My food does! =)

Every time I make a green smoothie, I want to take a picture of it and show it to everyone 'cause they're so beautiful, health-giving and delicious! It's the same for salads. They're always SO gorgeous and green.

So here's some pictures =) This salad had kale, some bell pepper, tomato, pecans, a little bit of tofu, and I topped it with hemp seed and dried cranberries. The dressing was just miso, water and garlic, blended. YUM!

banana bread

This is a family recipe and I remember many good times in the kitchen as a little kid, with my mom whipping this up in the Kitchen-Aid. I wasn't tall enough to see over the counter in the big, whirling metal bowl but I knew that it's contents were always delicious, and if I was lucky that day - I'd get a spoonful of the batter =) Banana bread was my favourite, topping cookie dough!

The secret is to use overly ripe bananas: I'm talkin' brown, slimy bananas. They have the most flavour. My mom usually would wait til they were pretty brown then stick them in the freezer until she had time to make the bread. Yesterday, we just had some really ripe nanners kickin' around so I used those.

Obviously, I also veganized the recipe... Earth Balance wasn't around 50 years ago.
The WORD "vegan" wasn't even in existence until 1944!
Anyways, this bread is truly delicious, it's crispy on the top and over-loaded with nuts and cinnamon, while the bread itself is SUPER moist and flavourful. MMM! You can make it fairly healthy too!

Moist Banana Bread: makes one loaf 

1 cup mashed bananas

1/2 cup vegetable "shortening"

1 cup brown sugar/raw sugar or other sweetener 

1 t cinnamon and nutmeg mix

1/2 t salt

1 t baking soda

1 1/4 cups flour 

2 Tb ground flax mixed with 1/4 cup water

Preheat oven to 350. Mix all ingredients together until you have a pretty smooth batter. Try it! Yummaaayy. Pour it into a loaf pan.

Now if you want to totally step up the whole game: roughly mix together 1/4 cup brown sugar, 2 t cinnamon, 1 Tb olive oil and 1/3 cup chopped pecans. Sprinkle this on top of the batter in the loaf pan. Bake for about 40 minutes, doing the tooth pick test to make sure it's ready. Let it cool for around 20 minutes and then slice and enjoy with loved ones!