Alright, folks: life can be really freaking rough sometimes. This post is gonna be dark for a sec but I promise the ending is hopeful.
Life hurts in so many different ways, for so many different people. We've gotta deal with the systemic oppression of various marginalized communities (i.e. MOST PEEPS) and the mistreatment of our animal pals, but on top of that we get more fun stuff like mental illness and heartbreak. Well, lucky me because I'm going through it all at once. I'm realizing I have been struggling with depression, anxiety and OCD for (probably) years. It has gotten very bad in the past 6 months, so much so that I ended up in the ER a few weeks ago and have started taken some low doses of medication. It helps a bit. But the gods have truly blessed my blonde, shaved head: because Jack has left me as well. My 22-year old mind tells me he was The One, the love of my life, my other half and all that stuff. It's *absolutely* and entirely crushing and I cannot imagine feeling more alone or hopeless. I'll be lying on the floor crying with a broken heart and think: at least it can't get worse. Except then I get an anxiety attack, depression hits, and I end up staying in bed for two days, feeling that the tiniest thing like walking to the bathroom is a chore.
So my days are constant battles between my newly realized (and yet/soon to be diagnosed) mental issues, this horrific break up I never saw coming, and the cocktail of both of them. #Party. Shit has been tough this weekend, I literally just stayed in bed listening to sad music, not eating. I didn't have the courage or energy to do anything else. But this evening I GOT UP. I GOT OUT OF BED. I made this smoothie and I am POSTING IT. This bout of depression is ending, I can feel my mood changing and my motivation coming back. I am going to focus on activities that make me happy or at least distracted. I'm gonna get back to the gym, see my friends, laugh, dance, work, travel and keep on truckin'. I am also taking steps to get the professional help I need. This smoothie is the colour of sunlight for a reason: I wanted something inspirational and full of light. I CAN and WILL get through this. I am strong and will be stronger. I am whole and will find more wholeness in myself. I love myself and that is enough. XO P.S. this album rocks.
A SMOOTHIE FOR EMOTIONAL STRENGTH
1 cup frozen mango
2 cups chilled coconut water
1/2 teaspoon turmeric powder
1 cup pineapple
1 yellow bell pepper
Blend it all up. LIVE YOUR LIFE. <3