Hello, hello! I'm back, back, back again. A relatively large amount of time as passed since I last posted on the blog. I recognize this, I apologize. Today I am divulging a little about what's been up with my mental health lately, and sharing a deliiiiicious recipe for vegan hot chocolate that I've been making almost every morning. The recipe is creamy, sweet, and a decadent treat whenever I put it together. I include some adaptogens (mood boosters!) as well as powerful turmeric oil (great for the whole bod!) If you came for pure and simple hot cocoa, though, feel free to leave those ingredients out. The drink would be great served cold too, or with a banana blended in for extra creaminess and flavour. Scroll down for the recipe! Or, stick with me while I talk about mental stuff for a minute.
I don't bring up my mental health all the time because I want pity or attention. I do so because I wish I had been able to access honest accounts of what the experience of living with mental problems is like when I was younger. Those accounts were certainly out there, but I didn't know (where) to look. So I figure: the more, the better. I'm trying to be the person I needed many years ago, in hopes that I can provide rawness and transparency which might help others feel they're not so alone. One of the most difficult parts of dealing with mental health issues is feeling that I am alone, unlovable, or fundamentally misunderstood. (NOT TRUE, for any of us!)
Life has been excessively demanding this year. While my coping skills and capacity for self-compassion are at all-time highs, the disabling effects of my anxiety and depression are unfortunately competing very well. I am taking anti-depressants again, and attempting to maintain other habits which help my mood and keep me 'above water.' These include meditation, nature walks, spending time with friends, working on creative projects (songs, drawings, poetry) and balancing productive time with rest time. I know to many people I appear to 'have it together,' but this speaks more to my ability to perform an illusion, than my actual state. What movements and choices may seem effortless and unquestionable for some folks are endless challenges for me: the best and most immediate example being getting out of bed every. single. morning. I lose motivation for everything that used to bring me joy and energy. I feel numb to the activities which used to excite me. I feel as though I am merely going through the motions of another version of myself, apathetic to the outcomes of what I do. This is scary, and seems hopeless much of the time.
I know I will be okay, but at the moment: shit is rough. THAT'S OKAY. This is all part of my particular human experience, part of my journey in this bizarre thing called Life. I will continue getting out of bed every day, even if some days all I can manage is to avoid people, go for a walk, feed myself, write a song or draw something, and get back into bed. All this being said, I remain filled with gratitude: for friends, family, home, my Spotify account, rainy lake trails, houseplants, Daiya grilled cheese sandwiches, SSRIs, meditation, my body, and my brain. While my time here is full of never-ending challenges, I see these moments as opportunities for learning, spiritual lessons for development, and open windows into my own being. Thank you for sticking with me! Talk soon, kay? Enjoy the recipeee!
with love,
em
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SUPER GOOD HOT CHOCO with TURMERIC OIL
Serves one or two. Print the recipe!
1 1/2 cups almond milk
1-2 tablespoons agave syrup
1 tablespoon cocoa powder
1 tablespoon almond butter
1/2-1 teaspoon your fave adaptogen powder (ex. chaga, ashwagandha, maca...)*
1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/4 teaspoon SUPERGOOD turmeric oil**
Pinch sea salt
Heat up the milk on a stove or in a microwave. Add the hot milk to a blender and blend with all the other ingredients until smooth and creamy. Add sweetener according to your own preferences. Sometimes I like it super sweet, sometimes I want it to more bitter and cocoa-y.
*I love Harmonic Arts' 14 Mushroom Powder.
**I'm not being sponsored or paid by SUPERGOOD for this post, I just love the product.
